I'd Be Surprisingly Good For You
by dance life away
Summary: Mary Eleanor always had a thing for older men, and certainly never had a problem getting a man of any kind. But even she didn't expect to fall head over heels in lust with her new Professor, and even less for him to say 'no'. RemusOC. Discontinued, possibly forever.
1. Nothing Calculated, Nothing Planned?

_ I'd Be Surprisingly Good For You_

Summary: Mary Eleanor always had a thing for older men, and they've always had a thing for her. But when she meets one who won't have her, he turns her world upside down. RemusOC

Disclaimer: If any of you honestly think I think I'm JKR...you're too stupid to live.

**Note: So this is just a little something that happened over this break while I should have been finishing a chapter for _Weather Girl_, doing my homework, scholarship searches, planning my French VI independent study for the second semester, etc etc etc. But I felt like I should get it out there--don't know if it'll ever evolve into something else. Like _No One Mourns the Wicked._

**Nothing Calculated, Nothing Planned...maybe.**

**

* * *

  
it seems crazy, but you must believe  
there's nothing calculated, nothing planned!  
please forgive me if I seem naive;  
I would never want to force your hand,  
but please understand  
I'd be good for you!  
I'd be surprisingly good for you...**  
[[_Evita!_]]

* * *

"Hey Mary, here comes your man!" Elise Winchester cooed dramatically at her best friend, who seemed off in her own little world as she stared at the man who walked by them.

"I'm in love, Elise; so ridiculously and absolutely smitten I could _die_!" Mary exclaimed, her eerily bright blue eyes following every swish of his shabby robes. She didn't care if he looked tired and even a bit old(er) -- Mary Eleanor Fawcett thought Professor Remus J. Lupin was nothing short of delicious.

"You and your obsession with old guys," Elise shuddered, disgusted by her friend's taste in the opposite sex. "I mean, I thought it was bad when you were hot for Snape that one time..."

"Professor Snape," Mary sighed sadly. "Let's not talk about what happened there."

"He's Professor Snape! What did you think would happen?" Elise squealed, trying not to gag at the thought of anything that greasy old git liked to do to girls.

"Well, yes, but he said my eyes were too blue. He only likes green eyes?" she shrugged. After all, Mary was _over_ Snape; he was so sixth year. Besides, it wasn't as if they'd ever done anything beyond flirting and the one detention when she had boldly put her hand on his thigh and kissed him full frontal -- the kiss he broke off because her eyes were _too blue_. Whatever.

"Okay, can we stop talking about this and move onto something less weird?" Elise begged, causing her friend to laugh.

Okay, so it was pretty obvious to everyone who knew her that Mary Eleanor Fawcett was a bookish Ravenclaw who loved to learn, was generally cynical but tried to be friendly as opposed to caustic, could be classified as a genius but still continued to work hard and never let anyone forget it...and had a _thing _for older men. If asked, Mary would joke and say she had _daddy issues_, though her father (or lack thereof) wasn't exactly a laughing matter.

Regardless of why, Mary's love (or lust) for men old enough to be her father was a well-known fact and really, everyone should have seen in coming. Her first boyfriend was a seventh year, and she never dated anyone younger. In her sixth year, she'd developed a ridiculous crush on Professor Snape, but Mary preferred to pretend such business never happened. After all, this summer she found her true calling. He was 29 and a local fisherman, with messy brown hair and those dark brown eyes you can't look away from. Andrew Patterson was his name, and he certainly had no problems with how she looked, or even her age. Sure, that kind of made him a pervert, but Mary was also a temptress of a sixteen year-old.

When the year started, though, she forgot _all_ about Andrew Patterson.

_"Who is that?" Mary whispered to Elise, eying the unfamiliar man sitting at the Professor's table. _

_"Like I know?" Elise shot back, trying to get the attention of the boy sitting next to her. "I'm sure he's our new Defense teacher -- that whole curse thing, and all_."

_"Yeah..." Mary murmured, her gaze locked onto the man Professor Dumbledore just introduced as Remus Lupin. Elise was right -- this man was to take Professor Lockhart's (commonly regarded as sex on legs) place. How the heck was she supposed to concentrate and learn when Mary would no doubt be drooling over him during class? Eurgh. She wished Hogwarts could go back to the days of ugly old Professor Quirrell._

_"So what were you telling me about that guy you met this summer?" Elise asked, giving up on Roger Davies, as the feast came to an end._

_"Who cares? Andrew has just been replaced," she sighed, head in her hands._

_"Wait, by that Professor Lupin guy? Seriously?" Elise eyed her warily. "You have got to be kidding me. He looks like he was homeless or something."  
_  
_"He does not!" Mary shot back, offended. Okay, so maybe a little..._

"You know," Elise butted in, breaking Mary away from her train of thought. "That Oliver Wood is staring at you. He's really fit."

Mary glanced towards the Gryffindor table distastefully and saw that, yes, Oliver Wood was blatantly staring. Yeah, he was pretty fit -- quite the dish, actually -- but he was so not her type, and not because he was her own age. For goodness sake, Wood was a Quidditch player who everyone knew was riding on signing with Puddlemere, because he was, well, more brawn than brain.

Being the intellectual Ravenclaw snob that she was, how was Mary supposed to justify snogging someone who didn't know the definition of a dangling modifier? Though she was sure some of her fellow Ravenclaws couldn't tell her that either.

Eh, she'd think about it. But at the moment, she had more important things to consider, such as how to lure Professor Lupin following her seventeenth birthday in two weeks. A very mischievous smile bloomed, and so did a twinkle in her eye...both visibly unnerved Elise.

"Er, c'mon Mary. Let's go to class," She suggested, grabbing her friend by the arm and dragging her up.

"But we'll be like the first people there," Mary pointed out. "Class doesn't start for another fifteen minutes."

"Don't you want to surprise Professor Lupin?" she asked innocently and both girls knew Elise had won.

"Okay, fine, but we have to stop by the common room because I left something," Mary sighed, giving in.

"Sure!" Elise agreed (anything to steal Mary's attentions away from whatever gave her that ridiculous grin and creepy look in her eye), and the two left the Great Hall together.

"What did you leave?" Elise asked, curious, as the two approached their common room.

"Oh, just _everything_, or did you not notice my lack of a school bag?" Mary laughed, gesturing to emphasize her empty arms.

"Mountains will crumble and temples will fall," the eagle on the door began when the two approached. "But no man can survive its endless call. What is it?"

The two paused for a moment to think, before a lightbulb went off in Mary's head.

"Time!" she said simply, and the door opened to reveal the beautiful Ravenclaw Common Room. With its tall arches and many windows, it was easy to forget was in a castle and not some medieval sanctuary (if it were a church of books, or something, because there were no altars, simply tables and chairs and bookcases).

The girls' dormitories were no different in their comfortable beauty, but Elise and Mary were not there to gawk at the architecture or time Rowena had put into her students' space. Mary quickly threw her books and other necessary items into her school bag and slung it over her shoulder. She looked at her best friend, a wicked grin on her face.

"Let's do this." she said, and Elise shot her a strange look.

"You make it sound like we're spies or something!" she exclaimed. "Honestly."

"Don't steal my thunder, Elise!" Mary scolded, a little put off.

"Oh whatever," Elise sighed, rolling her eyes. "Let's go. I'm sure you're dying to drool all over Professor Lupin."

"You know me so well!" Mary commented, an uncharacteristically roguish grin dancing its way onto her face.

"Mary Eleanor, don't you grin at me like that," her friend demanded. "It gives me the willies."

"Well don't you call me _Mary Eleanor_, then!" the other girl retorted, scrunching her nose in disgust as she cursed her mother a thousand times over for naming her "Fawcett, Mary-Eleanor Elizabeth" instead of just "Fawcett, Mary Eleanor."

"Miss Winchester! Miss Fawcett!" Professor Lupin exclaimed, surprised, as the two girls entered the Defense classroom, bickering as they were. "Class doesn't start for another ten minutes."

"We know," Elise supplied. "I wanted to get a move on and Mary was getting fidgety."

"I resent that," Mary countered. "Anybody would be fidgety with Oliver Wood staring at them like they were a sandwich or something."

Professor Lupin simply quirked an eyebrow at the pair, but proceeded to exchange words as if he weren't there.

"Oh come _on_, Mary, honestly!" Elise prodded, putting her books down on her desk. "Any other girl would simply die to have a fit guy like Oliver eying them."

Mary 'hmfph'-ed and took a seat on the edge of their shared desk, shooting a clear 'whatevvvss' look at her best friend.

"What are we going to do today, Professor?" Mary asked sweetly, changing the subject and ignoring Elise.

"I thought we'd do something fun today," he began. "I introduced it to my younger years a while ago and they seemed to like it."

"Oh?" she pressed, her interest piqued.

"Do tell!" Elise added excitedly.

"Well, I figured I'd let you all come face-to-face with a Boggart."

Both girls turned to the other, eyes wide, and squealed. Loudly. The other students who were just then beginning to trickle into the class stared at them and whispered to one another, but Mary and Elise didn't particularly care. They were generally regarded as odd by the Hogwarts population, anyhow, albeit brilliant.

As they took their seats, Mary couldn't help but wonder what the Boggart would morph into for her. Sure, they'd learned about Boggarts before, in their pre-OWL years, but that was back when the professor was a rather eccentric old woman who certainly wasn't as fun as Professor Lupin.

Lupin introduced the class to that day's activities, but Mary wasn't listening. She was carefully evaluating the things which scared her the most. _Let's see,_ she thought, getting out a piece of paper to brainstorm ideas.

_**Things Which Scare Me the Most: By Mary Eleanor Fawcett**_

_**-Being stupid **_(after all, for a genius, this is a terrifying prospect)  
_**-Killer Bees **_(hey, they kill people!)  
_**-Losing the Head Girl position **_(her father would murder her)  
_**-Drowning **_(really, who wants to feel their lungs fill up with water?)  
_**-Becoming a teacher **_(trapped day in and day out with teenagers for 30+ years? What a nightmare!)

Vaguely, she wondered if any of those would be the form her Boggart chose (how does one embody stupidity?) or if she would simply be surprised.

"Now class, if you'll follow me, I'll take you to the Boggart!" Professor Lupin explained and Mary quickly shoved the piece of paper in her bag and followed everyone else to the Teacher's Lounge. Once there, Professor Lupin asked them to form a single file line. Despite their earlier enthusiasm, neither Mary nor Elise wanted to go first...after all, nobody wanted to make a fool of themselves in front of everyone. Well, apparently everyone except Terrence Higgs, whose biggest fear was apparently having teeth like Marcus Flint.

Everyone giggled at that. Even the boys.

Finally, after several people, it was Mary's turn. Cautiously, she walked closer to the Boggart, which had become a strange, swirling black mass before morphing into a creepy-looking sea-horse _thing_, which Mary could only identify as a Kelpie.

"Riddikulus!" Mary shouted, without having time to think about her apparent worst fear, and pointed her wand straight at the image before her as it slowly approached. Before her eyes, suddenly a man in leather chaps and a bright red cowboy hat was atop the thing, gripping its sleek black mane and shouting "whoa, Nellie!"

With a satisfied smirk, Mary stepped aside for Elise to go and felt a swell of satisfaction from the impressed look from Professor Lupin at her effort, after all, she was his best student-- by far. It was, at that moment (well really, it was when Elise caused her spider-Boggart to lose all its legs), Mary realized what she could do to get to Professor Lupin.

She would be his teaching assistant.

* * *

So like I said, this is just something that popped into my head over break. I couldn't possibly feel right updating/going further until I post some more updates for the people who have been waiting for _Weather Girl_. But I'd like to see if I get any response on this (though there are so many HP fics being uploaded every second, I doubt it).

&&Sara


	2. Kind of Like You're Underwater

_ I'd Be Surprisingly Good For You_

Summary: Mary Eleanor always had a thing for older men, and they've always had a thing for her. But when she meets one who won't have her, he turns her world upside down. RemusOC

Disclaimer: If any of you honestly think I think I'm JKR...you're too stupid to live. Clearly, I'm also not Liz Phair. I doubt she spends her time writing crappy Harry Potter fanfics.

_Yay, long chapter!_ (well, compared to the last one)

**Chapter Two: Kind of Like You're Underwater**

* * *

**  
your face reminds me of a flower,  
kind of like you're underwater;  
hair's too long and in your eyes,  
your lips a perfect 'suck me' size.  
[[**_Flower - Liz Phair_**]]**

* * *

"Professor Lupin, could I speak to you for a moment?"

After class, Mary decided to approach Professor Lupin about her very recent idea. Of course, she wasn't about to tell him the purpose behind it (to seduce him), but figured it was best to pitch it to him as soon as possible. While the class made their way back to the classroom, she began to concoct a story to explain her sudden desire to become his teaching assistant. The man wasn't an imbecile, after all. Like Mary would lust after an _idiot_, honestly.

"Sure, Miss Fawcett," he said, smiling warmly; oh how Mary adored that smile! " If you'll just step inside my office."

Never having actually been inside his office before, Mary wasn't surprised at its cozy, living room-esque feel. It was very _him_. Or, at least, what she'd seen of him in class.

"Well, sir," she began, watching as he maneuvered himself to sit at his desk; following suit, Mary sat in the chair clearly placed for visitors. "My father suggested a while ago (try a _year_ ago) that I come up with ideas to make myself stand out as a student for when I begin searching for internships and such."

"That's very good advice," he agreed, nodding. Professor Lupin would do this _thing_ sometimes, where he would absently run his fingers along the top of his mustache; the action drove Mary wild, imagining what that mustache would feel like, which made her think about those soft lips against hers, which made her go weak in the knees...a never ending cycle. (insert painful sigh here.)

"Yes! That's what I thought too," Mary smiled, _what a lie_. "I was thinking that maybe you'd let me be your TA? I swear I'm really good at editing essays and I make a great tutor. Please?"

Professor Lupin sat in silence for a few moments, evaluating her --ugh, he was doing that mustache thing again; Mary was going to _faint_ from desire or something if he kept that up -- before something clicked in his mind and in his eyes, too.

"Alright, Miss Fawcett," he agreed.

"If I'm going to be working with you every day, I'd rather you called me Mary, Professor," she informed him seriously. 'Miss Fawcett,' although kind of kinky, made her feel like a twelve year-old. Then again, the whole 'Professor' thing was kind of kinky too..._no! Bad mind!_ Mary scolded herself.

"Well,_ Mary_," he said, smiling. "Would you prefer to come in and help during a free period, or perhaps grade before or after your patrols?"

"I can't say I have a lot of free time," Mary joked (wait no, that wasn't a joke because it was true and rather _not_ funny). "But I do have a free block Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and I have to say that Saturday mornings -- if that's not a problem with you, of course -- would be the ideal time for me to grade."

"Quite the typical Ravenclaw, aren't you?" Professor Lupin inquired curiously. Mary seemed to take her studies and responsibilities very seriously...the epitome of the Ravenclaw stereotype, really.

"If by that you mean I'm witty, ready and excited to learn, studious, and a genius, then yes: I am the typical Ravenclaw," Mary said, not sure whether to feel offended by his reference to her as '_typical_.' Mary Eleanor Fawcett was not _typical_ in any fashion. After all, she had an freaking IQ of 175, for Merlin's sake, not to mention a hardy work-ethic unmatched by most Hogwarts students (except for that one Gryffindor third year and Percy Weasley). Her complete lack of interest in romantic love and boys her age also marked her as unique from the general population. Didn't that count for _anything_?

"Out of curiosity, which NEWTS are you sitting for?" he asked, disregarding the slight edge to Mary's voice.

"Let me see..." Mary said slowly, thinking quickly. "Defense, Charms, Ancient Runes, Arithmancy, Potions, Astronomy, and Divination."

"That's an interesting combination," he commented. "What are you planning on doing after school?"

_Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!!_ Mary thought furiously. Of course, Mary knew what she'd _like_ to do, but in the end, she would end up following her father's wishes and probably work some boring desk-job at the Ministry of Magic.

"Actually Professor, I'm still not quite sure," she admitted, and this time, she was telling the truth. "I know that sounds awful, but I'm interested in so many things! It's tough to choose what I like best."

Once again, not a lie. Mary liked to consider herself as a "renaissance (wo)man" of sorts. She supposed her dream job would be to become a professional student, if such a thing were possible.

"Maybe you'll decide to become a teacher," he commented, and Mary desperately hoped he was joking, but she smiled and went along with it.

"Maybe," she gave in, though rather unenthusiastically. "I really ought to be going, though. I have a lot of homework to do before the rest of my classes this afternoon. I'll see you this time, Thursday?"

"See you then," Professor Lupin agreed, and followed her as she left his office. As they emerged, Mary was hit by a wave of guilt: he had a class sitting here waiting! A blush crept up Mary's neck and covered her ears until they were beet red, and she thanked every god she ever heard of for the decision to wear her long hair down that day. Embarrassed, she quickly fled the classroom and headed back to the nearly empty Ravenclaw Common Room.

There were a few scattered NEWT students, sixth and seventh years, but no one Mary felt particularly excited to converse with. In all honesty, she didn't have very many friends and--

"Hey Mary!" one of the boys shouted. "Didn't you say the other day you scheduled a meeting with Weasley for right now?"

"Oh my gosh, I completely forgot!" Mary cried out, quickly throwing everything she'd just pulled out of her bag right back in.

"For a self-proclaimed genius, that's pretty dumb," the other boy laughed, but Mary, failing to find it funny, shot him a glare before running out of the Common Room.

_How did I forget? Geez, Mary, you're such an idiot! What a spaz! _she continued to berate herself as she mindlessly made her way through Hogwarts' stairwells and hallways until she reached the Head's Room*. She tapped the mirror twice, causing her image to swirl until it became that of a door. Mary reached in, grabbed the doorknob, and walked straight through the mirror, to the other side.

"About time you got here," Percy scolded her, as if she were some sort of misbehaved child. "You were supposed to be here nearly twenty-five minutes ago."

"Oh, sod off. I was talking to a professor," Mary informed him rudely. "Which reminds me: I'm not going to be able to meet during this time anymore. I'm going to be Professor Lupin's teaching assistant."

"Just because you don't take your duties as Head Girl seriously, Mary--" he began, but she quickly cut him off.

"If you don't shut your mouth, I'll do it for you, alright?"

Mary rarely carried out her caustic threats, but really, Percy wasn't about to chance it. A satisfied smile settled onto her features from seeing his reluctant submission.

"Let's get this meeting started and over with," she continued. "I have homework."

Percy rolled his eyes. And people called _him_ uptight.

**_Linebreak_**

Later, during lunch, Mary's cousin Sarah Sophia (Mary could only assume Fawcett females received two names because they were so rare) approached her, sliding into the empty seat beside her.

"Your mom sent me the most awesome album," Sarah exclaimed, pulling a muggle cassette out of her bag. "She said you'd be able to charm it to play in that contraption you bought me for my birthday?"

Sarah, much to her parents' chagrin, was fascinated with Muggle music, especially the stuff Mary's mom was able to get her hands on. In fact, if it were up to Sarah's parents, their daughter would never even talk to her Aunt Vinny, but the girl was too independent for her own good...a little too much like Mary's "good-for-nothing" brother, Aidan.

"It's a cassette player," Mary snapped; during her earlier meeting, Percy had stepped on her last nerve. "Sorry. I'm just tired. Hand it over."

"S'alright," Sarah assured her cousin, handing over the plastic square and chattered on. "It's apparently a new release from the States, some chick named Liz? I don't know, but Aunt Vinny promised I'd love it. You too, probably..."

While Sarah continued to blabber on about the album, Mary was busy tapping the cassette with her wand and muttering a few spells to herself. At the end of last year, her only female cousin asked her if it was possible to listen to Muggle music while at Hogwarts. Mary, being the nerd she was, spent most of the summer researching charms. First, she looked for one to negate Hogwarts' anti-technology wards, but a few weeks before Sarah's birthday and September First, an idea popped into her head: why look for a counter charm and not one that would work _with_ the already existing wards? The end result was a cassette player charmed to run on magic instead of batteries. The downside was only equally magical cassettes would work.

"Here you go," Mary announced, handing the music tape over to Sarah. "Should work just fine."

"Wicked!" Sarah grinned, and apparently decided to try it out sitting at the middle of the Ravenclaw table. "Wanna listen?"

With a sigh, Mary accepted the ridiculous headphones and slipped them onto her head, trying not to look suspicious (but failing miserably).

"I was sort of messing with it, so I really can't guarantee it'll be at the beginning..." Sarah apologized, avidly pressing buttons on the player. A raw guitar sound filled Mary's senses as a Sarah pressed 'play'. True to Sarah's word, the song began somewhere in the middle. After listening closely, she discerned two contrasting vocal tracks spouting _very_ sexual lyrics.

Mary liked it.

_Every time I see your face, I get all wet between my legs.  
Every time you pass me by, I heave a sigh of pain._

Then, in a lower octave, the words continued.

_Every time I see your face, I think of things unpure, unchaste.  
I want to fuck you like a dog, I'll take you home and make you like it.  
Everything you ever wanted, everything you ever thought of  
is everything I'll do to you_--

The rest of the crude song was cut off when someone grabbed the headphones from behind. Mary whipped around to snatch them back, surprised and peeved to see one Oliver Wood holding them in his hands.

"Do you mind?" she asked with attitude. Just because he was fit didn't mean he could go accosting people. "I believe those are mine."

"What are they?" he asked curiously, examining them, but didn't realize he was holding them upside down.

"It's a Muggle thing," Sarah interjected, distracting the Gryffindor Captain. "You wouldn't understand."

"Because you're such a Muggle, _Sarah-Sophia Kenna Fawcett_!" Mary teased. Curses on family traditions. So many names were such a hassle, but they were really amusing when they weren't yours.

Oliver stood there watching the two cousins argue, clearly lost. Mary took advantage of his confusion to grab the headphones from his large, calloused hands (for a moment, she was reminded of Andrew's) victoriously.

"Never wrong a Ravenclaw," Elise (when did she suddenly appear across the table?) said, waggling an accusing finger at Wood.

"You mean never get on the wrong side of a Fawcett," corrected the young boy next to her, who just happened to be none other than Duncan Fawcett, younger brother to Mary and cousin to Sarah. What was this, a family reunion?

"I'll remember that," Oliver said dryly, in a deep Scottish brogue Mary hadn't noticed before. It was hard for a girl like her to resist a voice like that. His wry grin definitely reminded the young woman of her summer fling, in the most pleasant of ways. She vaguely wondered if all that Quidditch made him as built as Andrew...

"I'll see you in Charms, Mary," he said, breaking her from her reverie, and turned to leave as she gave him a slight wave.

"I thought you weren't interested in Oliver Wood," Elise remarked, a sly glint to her eye giving away that she was planning something downright evil in her head.

"I'm not!" Mary scoffed, but secretly thought that if he were older and Professor Lupin weren't so attractive, she'd enjoy flirting (and maybe more) with him _very _much.

"Aren't you smitten with Professor Lupin?" Duncan asked, only to be rewarded with a violent glare from his sister.

"Sweet Merlin," Mary sighed, dropping her head to the table in defeat. Was it that obvious? Would the humiliation never end?

"Think that's her version of raising the white flag?" Sarah asked thoughtfully.

"Nah," Elise disagreed. "She never gives up that easily."

"If I were you, I'd sleep with a knife under my pillow for a few weeks, just in case," Duncan added, one-hundred percent serious. Mary kicked him under the table.

"You guys suck," she said after raising her head. "I'm leaving."

Grabbing her things, Mary stuck her tongue out at the group of people she called her "friends and family" before turning on her heel and leaving the Great Hall in a huff.

"What's wrong with her?" asked a fellow Ravenclaw seventh-year, but instead of giving him an answer, Elise, Duncan, and Sarah all looked at each other before cracking up with laughter.

* * *

BRAIN SURGE.

Seriously, though. Don't get used to updates like this because I have little to no free time or life when classes are in session. I don't think I've ever been so prolific in my life as I was today. Heck, I paid my traffic fine (yay for unsafe backing violations?), went to the dentist, got bloodwork done, finished and updated a chapter of _Weather Girl_, put up two one-shots (_Priceless?_ and _They Carried Their Memories_), finished a scholarship essay, designed my French IV Independent Study outline for the second semester, AND wrote an entire chapter of this _from scratch_.

If I find time between a nine-hour marathon of _Criminal Minds_ and my _40 Studies That Changed Psychology_, I'll see if my brain can recreate this brilliance tomorrow. Might as well get as much fun in before school starts on Monday!

I'll stop babbling now.

Oh, and please review:] I love hearing what you all think and suggestions. I even like constructive criticism, though sparingly (I like to think I'm brilliant).

**_HELLO 2010! __HAPPY NEW YEAR, YA'LL._**


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